Wednesday, March 28, 2018

POST #6: Relationships of a Traveler


      I'm feeling good. From the outside nothing looks good but on the inside I'm feeling good. Or is it just that i just ate about 200 chocolate covered expresso beans just now... 


      I was just asked this yesterday and I didn't know how to answer it. It caught me off guard. I've done it many times to people in many places. Each time I've done it, it's been a disaster. Like a low quality Brazilian wax that pulls off skin as well as the hair. Ouch, i know. Well.. I wouldn't know because i don't get Brazilian waxes but I imagine it's painful. But I'd bet thats literally how you can describe the mess and the pain I leave behind.
     I'm about to travel again in 4 and a half weeks. I'm so excited. And I know that looks like I don't care about the things around me an the people I'm about to leave behind. But I do care! Very much! When you detach it's not a negative feeling or a positive one. It is not done with spite and you dont do it with any hate. It's a neutral act that has nothing to do with the people involved but theres no way to explain that.. Especially when there's emotions and attachment involved.

I remember when...

     I first left New York to go to Sydney. One moment I'm sitting in an artsy gallery cafe that is dimly lit. Totally seems like a date place but the seating and tables where really low and bohemian. So to my delight, this meet up with a girl comes off as casual chatting. A few hours later we're both smiling as she walks out the cafe. We just planned a roadtrip to Canada out of no where. And I'm genuinely looking forward to it, not only because I like traveling but because she was pretty cool and down to earth about it. We are totally going to become good friends, you just know it. But 12 hours later I'm waiting to line up for my plane to go to Australia at JFK airport when she texts me, "so I found a car for us. I'm so excited"
      (Right about now my best friend where ever he is, has the biggest urge shout #SAVAGE and he doesn't know why lol) But in all seriousness I really wanted to go on the road trip but yet, I move on and just appreciate the moment and the fact that our paths crossed. I like diving 100% into an interaction and a relationship/friendship (that line is so blurred with me that its laughable to separate the two labels with me) I've done that in Ukraine, Lebanon, Australia, France, London, Texas and other places. I've been called every name in the book because of it. And even when they don't say anything.. I know they're thinking it. Probably like you are right now as you read this.

It's the simple things in life that matter.. like popcorn and wine!   

      If I left you high and dry and you're reading this, hold your scoffs and try not to hurt yourself rolling your eyes too hard when I say nothing about the time we had was vain and not sincere. I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm not hear to defend myself, It was just thought that came up to me right now as I sat down and placed my fingers to this keyboard. 

      So back to the person who asked me, "How do you detach yourself so easily, Danny" She's about to go all in with someone she knows is leaving. And she knows she's most likely going to get burned. I tell her to also realize that the other person is also going to get burned but he might not show it on the outside. "Fuck that shit Danny, Tell me your secrets, how do you become stone cold and not give a fuck like a boss." I laugh and sit back in my chair. I don't know how I can come off like that when the exact opposite is true on my inside. I think for a moment as I chew on the end of my pen. She's kidding around but deep down inside she's not. I respond with the same sentence i tell myself all the time, "It's out of your hands. You're fucked and you're going to feel shitty. The sooner you realize that the sooner you are more free to go with the flow and let all expectations go." 

I was then asked, "But when do you know when to fight for it and TRY? Don't you ever feel like staying and fighting against the universe that is hell bent on separating your paths?" Good question.. I chose not to answer this because my mind immediately in that moment shot to the one person I knew I would stay and fight for. She knows who she is.

...I think I said something silly to deflect.