Friday, March 2, 2018

POST #4: Are You Bad at Being Productive?

     I hardly ever write when I'm in a good mood like I am in now. (Why the good mood you ask? I'll never tell) My best work and all my momentum to be productive usually happens when I'm feeling low. I'm talking about 'My Chemical Romance' kinda low hahaha. Does that happen to you guys? I'm always noticing that it's either I'm really low or really really high when I'm the most creative. And I mean high: emotionally speaking, Not to say I don't smoke weed. of course i do! Who doesn't? (awkward moment if you're reading this and you don't smoke) I don't care any way, there is no productivity when I'm just.. coasting in the middle in normal fashion like the rest of the world. I'm sure there are others that go through this just like me

Lets see if we can get to the bottom of why that is:


     So! My short by the way, is coming along nicely. I'm currently doing backgrounds for all my shots. I'm taking the exact streets I walked through over and over again in the Lower East Side in New York and throwing them in the short. "Danny can we see pictures?" - Lol... good try.
      I'm behind schedule right now but I'm always behind schedule. Here's something I wrote in my first week in New York about being behind schedule;

"..I've met some awesome people and I'm staying in the moment. Even if productivity is slower than I'd like, who cares. I'm in New York.."

     Up to that point, the only productive thing I had done was pack my one suitcase and buy that one-way ticket out of California. I had told everyone I'm going to start working on my short. Isn't that such a cliche; "the artist procrastinates." I have my own theories about why that happens but I'll save that for later. I remember back to a time I would looove to blame everything else for my situation and unproductiveness. And it's all in-between the lines where you find the excuses. For example check out What I wrote when I first got to New York.

"Why does wine make me feel safe. Why does a drink make me feel so invincible. A shot or a sip gives me confidence... I need to shake this or embrace this."    - New York 2016

     Even then I was already starting to become aware of one truth that no one can ever teach you. It's something you have to realize on your own. What ever it may be that you want to blame: Fun, Friends, drinks, money problems, a busy job you hate, a shitty relationship.. Those things aren't your problem. Your predicament isn't your problem. I'll tell you what your problem is: Your problem is your attitude and how you look/think about those things. 
     To the self destructive procrastinator like me,:you don't know it, but you have a problem that's main symptom is that it convinces you that you 'don't have a problem.' It makes you think everyone else who has real problems are the ones that need help. The drinker, the sex addict, the druggie, the lazy person, The video gamer, the obese, the Netflix binge-watcher, all of them! Sure you are all those things too, but you do them successfully, right? ...because it's not a problem for you, right? You're fine :) Pop some ecstasy, drink a shit ton of water, make out with a few people and do a walk of shame on a sunny Sunday morning with the Los Angeles skyline in the distance. And boom, you're fine after an IN-and OUT burger and ready to run errands like any other perfect citizen. Oh and god forbid any one points out your problems! So as evidence that you can 'handle yourself better than the others', you point to all you have accomplished in life to prove your point. This is how you get addicted to the mindset, not necessarily the specific things you do.
    Talk about a closed mind! I'm better now but FUCK did I have to go a long way. I thought my source of my problems was my location. So I traveled a lot but just like your shadow, this is something you can't shake. This stays with you where ever you go. You can't run away from yourself. I figured that out in Australia.

     Anyway, I just wanted to say that the sooner you change your mindset the sooner you solve your problems. The source of the problems is always internal and never external. How you react and shape your perspective is key.

Man this sounds preachy. How lame hahaha.

     Any way there's this dude called Brandon Novak. He explains all this much better than me but that's because he hit rockbottom way harder than most of us ever will. He inspired me to write this post. I'll end it with a Novak Quote

“I was a dreamseller, a medium through which my loved ones could project what they wanted to believe, what they dared to dream—that I would be well. I sold them a dream, something that never existed in the first place, their own idealistic vision of me.” 
― Brandon NovakDreamseller

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Post #3: SlaughterHouse 5


Hello hello to my three readers. (wait.. apparently four readers now because my stats show me someone in the Ukraine is reading my blog) ((and to Mr. or Ms. Ukraine I ask you, "whyyyy?"))

     I just finished reading a book named "Slaughterhouse 5". I figure many people have tried to write a war novel that tries to communicate how meaningless the whole act of war is and at the same time show how it destroys a person's life. "The Sun Also Rises" by Hemingway is the only other book I can think of that does this without actually ever including a war scene. Take Hemingway's book: add a person who is going insane, few mentions of the massacre at Dresden, some time travel and some other crazy shit like aliens (obviously it has aliens.. lol) and you have "SlaughterHouse 5". Its a classic yet crazy book that makes no sense until you finish it. And then you question.. is he really insane? But because the book is written so well, it keeps you from tossing it into a fire. Also, i recommend read it quickly, other wise you'd be opt to put it down and never return to it because it is so random. My two cents.

*WTH Danny.. I came here for animation wisdom, not a fucking book report...

     Hey! I read a lot.. so sue me. I either procrastinate on my short film through reading all day or watching "Friends" on Netflix for 7 hours straight! #LifeGoals, (am i right?) These posts are about the journey of making a film from scratch, and procrastination is a huge part of it whether I'd like to admit it or not. So yesterday I procrastinated by sitting at a train station for hours, the whole while determined to finish the second half of my book in one sitting. (its a short book) After I finished the book I looked around me. I'm sitting at a pretty empty bar. (if you know me you're rolling your eyes and saying, "of course he's at a bar")
     So back to the point: when you finish the book, you're left with a feeling that life just 'IS' and nothing really matters. I take a glance at the lives around me after i finish the last sentence. 4 bar stools to my right theres a kid, probably 23 years old with his laptop typing away at spreadsheet. It's a windows laptop so I don't think he's the obnoxious type.. He seems cool but he nursed a beer and a half for 2 hours so my respect for him fell a bit. Plus you could tell he wanted to talk to the two cute bartenders taking care of us but he never worked up the courage to do so. One of the bartenders was showing off some roses she received from a friend. A good luck token for her procedure tomorrow. A procedure for what? I didn't care enough to ask. I was more interested in; if the two basketball enthusiast to my left, actually had a chance with the bartender. for a good hour they were trying their best to flirt and start a conversation. They were always shot down with one word answers. Being there all day made the bartenders comfortable around me i guess, so when we chatted it it flowed without effort. "What are you reading, Where are you from, etc etc.. again, I couldn't of cared less. I just liked being there.


     - When I was on a train somewhere backpacking between Bucharest and Kiev (Eastern Europe) I sat hugging my backpack and it was so warm and sunny. The word "warm" I use liberally because it was winter and it was still cold.. But still, it was blue skies for miles, and it was so peaceful. The mountain ranges and the forest looked so picture perfect that everybody on the train had their noses glued the windows. Especially the two women sitting across from me with their new Cannon cameras. I didn't know what language they were speaking but you can spot a tourist no matter what tongue they talk in. Everyone was wide eyed, taking in the scenery, everyone except me, I couldn't care less. Instead I chose to nap. Once in a while I'd open my eyes to soak in the view but to be honest I was soooo content just being in a place i didn't know, all the way across the planet surrounded by people I'd never see again.. I just relaxed and enjoyed "existing." Was it an existential moment? Meh, I wouldn't go that far to label it that. Maybe I was just content for surviving South Africa and the Middle East the two months prior.. IDK, i just liked being there.

On a train.. Somewhere in Romania.. 

Shit I haven't story boarded in 3 days.. But on the plus side I just had pancakes
...small victories are what count..

Monday, February 12, 2018

post #2: Pulling The Trigger: Going to New York

Post #2: Shit, I guess this story is told best from the start...

I woke up in a California winter (which is about 75 F/ 23C if you're wondering) and within 40 minutes of opening my eyes I bought a one way ticket to New York.. with no insurance for my ticket. So this way I had to go. Didn't even check my bank, didn't even see if I knew anyone there. Sure, I made some people mad by leaving (sorry for making you set up a christmas tree and leaving you with it and all those memories! She know who she is) but I knew I needed to get away if I ever wanted to work on my own work. I don't have the discipline to say no to drinks and hanging out with friends. Hey at least i can admit it! Being honest is something I learned in AA.. I can also admit I went to a bar after every AA meeting. (Ok Danny stop sharing stuff) Any way I would write a lot as i traveled because pictures just didn't capture everything. So here is something I wrote when I first arrived to New York:

Yesterday I sat in a silly cafe in a nobody neighborhood. Ate nothing. It was so cold I didn't want to move. So cold, your body is automatically flexing when you walk. It hurts after a while. Maybe this is how it feels when your body turns into a popsicle. This city hates it's winter. Everyone dreams of California. And they don't understand why I'm over here. What am I doing? Is this a glorified vacation or did I just make myself homeless on purpose? Why are people amazed at this? Is it Bc I'm actually doing this? Traveling? People think I'm free. I'm just finding out in just carrying my own cage with me where ever I go. (LOL SO EMO HAHAHAHA i was going to edit and delete this part but .. meh, ill keep it in)

Today I'm sitting in a proper coffee house diner. The place only had 4 people in it. It was very old. 2 people spoke in a thick Bronx accent, "Add that. ...But think about it... So and so... How did you get that. ..12. By 12 months. 20,000? Wow. Yeah that's a lot a money. Yeaah.." The waitress/hostess was talking to a regular. The lady called me honey like how a mom does. She was sweet. She didn't get comfy with me until after I was there two hours writing at the same booth. I could only imagine she's never left that neighborhood in her life. Her teeth were messed up. She had a daughter in PA and son in Brooklyn. She was proud though. Very proud. Her name is Melissa. "My name is Melissa. Big me loss. Little me loss. That's a good name right?" I dont know what she ever meant by big me loss little me loss...

So about my short:

First off staying focused on making a short film isn't hard. I can stay focused while doing some dirty dishes, I can stay focus while being out on a Saturday night, I can stay focused on making my short while doing anything else BUT while doing my short. As soon as I sit down in my room I go blank and I rather just take a nap (naps are glorious)

 So recognizing this, I do most of my work in cafe's as I have traveled around the world. The result, 3 screenplays, storyboarding marathons, a few dozen Tinder dates and I've read 5 books in the last 12 months. And a lot of latte's ..or Flat- whites as they called them in Australia.

This is enough typing for now. Both Pictures are from my first time in New York

Saturday, February 3, 2018

3 Years at Pixar, 5 Years animating at Disney, 2 Years traveling the world, What could i possibly have to talk about?

-First post of many-

       If you're reading this that means I actually worked up the energy to type: "CUNT" Now that i set the bar as low as possible for politeness, I can be myself. Which was going to happen anyway but this way you have a fair warning before I start to document the daily struggles of making a short film from scratch.

       First of all, "Hi" to my 3 readers. I do hope one day you find relationships and get a life. I do not know how you manage to give me a few thousand views a month. I refuse to believe people actually read my blog.. my last post was in... 2015? wow. Well don't get too excited I'm not going to drop some invaluable animation knowledge. There are better blogs for that.


        Thanks for asking. Where do I start?.. hmm Well at some point i'll get to all the parts. It'll include me in handcuffs in the back of a police car, the occasional sex-capade, riding a Motorcycle at 2 am with bunny slippers in Lebanon because I locked myself out of my place, in South Africa on a horse back safari (which is insane now that im thinking about that.. but i guess the lion could eat the horse instead of me?) no less insane than me driving on the Syria border through kilometers of marijuana fields though. Spiders in Australia that look like that thing in 'ALIENS' that comes out of the stomach and sucks your face, Mushroom cloud explosions in the Ukraine that wont ever get reported (not even kidding..) Randomly sitting down for 4 hours at a birthday dinner in Nashville with three elderly white southern ladies, (yes we talked about TRUMP) And tons more i couldn't be bothered to recall

Bunny Slippers

South Africa

Anyway, I need to get back to story boarding. Usually I find my self at a random Cafe but today the dinning room table looks very nice. (Mainly because the light is too bright outside for my hangover) 

Unfaithfully yours,